October 19, 2010

Just A Note… & Thank You

I thought i would post a note on my blog, not so everyone knows what's going on as such but more so an outlet for me, it is my blog after all. As many of you are aware on Sunday 17th October 2010 my Mother in Law, Jan, sadly passed away. She had only been diagnosed with Leukaemia 62 days before hand and it rapidly went through her system.

When she originally went into hospital they said her immune system wasn’t very strong to cope with the Chemo, so there login was to take it away and rebuild it during therapy. Her first lot of Chemo she was doing ok wasn’t sick or anything but the week after the first dose finally hit her and she was so tired sore and sick. Jane started to lose her hair and we eventually shaved it for her.

After the second does of Chemo she was slightly improving but not by much but improvement is improvement none the less. Jan was then given time to come home as she was getting better which was great then she had to go back in for testing, which was fine, then she came home again. But this time at home was very different. She couldn’t walk from the kitchen bench to the fridge with out puffing and panting, she couldn’t undress herself properly nor could she walk without Rob guiding her.

Her temperature kept rising and rising and had to take her straight back to hospital. We found out she had a RARE fungal infection behind her eye, also known as the ‘Black Infection’, Which of course they didn’t know how to treat properly for 2 reasons, 1) She had NO immune system as they took it away so surgery was off the cards and 2) its so rare they haven’t come across it to really know. This was just a few days ago.

Now on Friday when they went into visit she was not all that great she was on oxygen BUT she was still able to talk, softly, and interact with you. Now by the Saturday night she was on life support and could barely talk and she was in such a bad way. As soon as she seen me she cried and wanted to hold my hand. Upon leaving i asked the Doctor “So what is going to happen, will come back from this infection or is it too far gone” he simply replied with “Her breathing is stabilised but her blood pressure is dropping and she is on the maximum medicine dosage to keep it up, but if her breathing lowers we will need to incubate her”

So needless to say we got a phone call at about 12.30am saying we need to incubate her she cant breathe properly on her own anymore. So first thing in the morning, after the Doctors rounds, i called in to check on her, she was kind of the same but heavily sedated and on the maximum medicines still which was not  great sign considering her blood pressure was still lowering. So i rang Rob and i told him so we decided that being she is heavily sedated we wont go in (Sunday) and take a break as Rob had been going in daily for 62 days and it is a 2 hour drive.

At about 8.45pm that night we got a phone call from them stating if we mind that we get updated phone calls during the night on her health status as it was looking too good, obviously we agreed and just sat in shock that OMG this may just be it. Michael is a mess at this point. Now at 10.50pm we got the phone call, Jan had passed away. I had to break the news to Michael and i have never seen the look of complete loss, sadness and anger all at one time before and that just destroyed me.

I just cannot believe how rapid this has taken her, She was a very Strong woman never majorly sick other than the common cold and flu. I have spoken to all my 3 kids about it but needless to say they do not understand it much, My kids are 10, 8 & 6 so still very young. I am trying to hold it all together for everyone and that in itself is hard. Michael is making funeral arrangements today with his Father and i will know more when he gets home.

I will be on and offline as i am needed but for myself….. I am finding PSP is helping me ALOT to cope and get my emotions out. Especially when i am home by myself or everyone is in bed asleep. I will do my best to keep everyone informed of my where a bouts but i will be back and forth so please bare with me. I would also like to thank everyone who has sent me emails, called me, posted on my facebook and blog. Your kind words, thoughts and prayers are appreciated more than you know.

Ok i have written a lot now and i will leave it at that, for now.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

So sorry, can't do much from here but will try if you need me! I am a good listener! Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
Robin aka copnrob

Designed by K said...

Nikki, I am so sorry for your loss, I wish there were magical words that would make things easier for you. However, I pray that you and Michael and your children will have peace in your time of sorrow and comfort in your time of need. Huge hugs from the states..love you, K

Patricia's Scraps and Stuff said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Terily said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Nikki. I pray that you and your family will get through this so that you all may heal.

Thinking of you and yours

Terily

Rhen1962 said...

Nikki, i am so sorry for your Loss, I just lost our dad this past week, and can say I know how you feel..I pray that your family will find peace,and rejoice her life.
hugs
Angie

gypsymonkeyscrap said...

I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how one's loved ones pass on...it's always a deeply heartfelt emotion.

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